I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
