so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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