If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
