If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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