You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
