the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
