I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
