problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
