Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
