I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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