oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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