Moan for me like Helen Keller
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
