Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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