dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
