I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
