Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
