like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
