how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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