He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
