I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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