i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's like heaven, but drunker
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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