So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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