MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
