dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
