I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
