toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
