People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
