so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
