I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
