You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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