But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
