If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
being pregnant is like rehab
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
