Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
