I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
