She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
