I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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