So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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