Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Even my vagina gasped.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The uberlube is also flammable
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
