im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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