its not stalking. its research.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Rumble strips road head = magical
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My life is pants optional.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
