at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
