when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
