I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
