Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
