I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
