i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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