what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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