..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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