If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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