I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
