so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
